Finding my feet

I am beginning to find my feet in this new(ish) world I am in.

And I am taking it slow, listening to what I need.

I have a wonderful group of people around me who understand that I am moving at my own pace. It is reassuring to have that support, with out the pressure of expectation. Like meeting friends for coffee, or have them ring to see how I am doing or knowing I can drop in for dinner anytime I don’t want to cook for myself. Or my sister travelling across town in peak hour traffic to go to dinner with me. I am so thankful for my crowded table.

I am tired at times, and energised at others. I know the last years have taken a big toll, especially emotionally draining, and it will take a while to recover. Then the difficulties of this horrible year, with the deaths of both my Terry and my Mum.

Two funerals are too many, but with both we celebrated the loved person that each was.

Terry’s was only small (I am going to organise a larger memorial for January) and informal. I had the structure of recounting Terry’s life, and asked people to contribute their memories along the way. So it was full of Terry Tales, of which there were many, including ones his brother in the UK had sent.

One of our friends said “Everyone is unique, but Terry was even more unique”. He was a proud, fiery, passionate, opinionated man, and you were never in any doubt about what Terry thought about anything (especially the Liberal Party!). Many who came across him could only see that as brash and abrasive. However that passion carried over into friendships. If Terry was your friend he would be loyal and generous, with his time, his money and his advice. He loved helping others, spending time with sick neighbours or mowing lawns or welding things that needed fixing. And he loved a chat ~ with anyone! He knew way more neighbours than I did.

So, we laughed and cried and remembered as we stood around his coffin, with the photo tribute playing behind us.He would have loved being the centre of attention! Then we wrote farewell messages on the coffin, so our love could go with him.

Not the usual funeral, by any means, but perfect for him, and especially perfect for me. I wondered about leading and speaking. My brother-in-law is very accomplished MC and would have done a brilliant job. However I realised it was important to me to do it myself. My Terry and I have been together, side by side, through so much….I knew we had to be together this one last time.

So moving into a new life without him.