Don’t wanna!

I have had a slow start to the year. Okay, I can explain away Christmas and the new year, summer holidays to recharge my batteries, the Australian Open to watch on TV, but things seemed to be getting worse last week. ‘Slothful’, ‘feeling flat’, ‘tired’; very little was sparking my interest.

Looking back over the last week I realised my behaviour had been like a 3 year old throwing tantrums. The Grown-up in me was offering suggestions that the Toddler threw onto the floor.

“Why don’t you write a blog post?”

“Don’t wanna!”

“Why don’t you work on the feather for Geoff?”

“Tried it and it didn’t work.”

“Why don’t you give it another go?”

“Don’t wanna!”

“Why don’t you write the first newsletter for the year? People love reading it.”

“Don’t wanna!”

“Why don’t you……?”

“Don’t wanna!”

So, like any sensible adult, the Grown-up walked away and left me to it, whatever ‘it’ was. (That was the Fella’s reaction too, although I think my outward behaviour was more like a sulky, withdrawn teenager. The tantrum throwing 3 year old was more internal.)

Fortunately, unlike a toddler, I have a few more skills to help me deal with the tantrums. I can write and think, I can walk and think, and I can drive and think. All of these helped. I thought about feeling flat as I drove over to my Mum’s yesterday. (I promise I was still driving very safely!) The Grown-up came back on the scene, showing me that I have actually achieved things over the last month.

I have created one and a half pumpkins paintings. The one is finished and in the Etsy shop. The half is almost finished (you may have given me suggestions on the Instagram post), only needing to be sewn down.

I have written a post on the website blog about the 5 things I did that helped me have a successful Open Studio in December. I have written a couple of post here.

I made a tunic for my Mum.

I am back on track to get the hallway finished. Yes, I am determined that it will be finished very soon.

So not bad for a sloth!

But most importantly I have been with friends and family who love me and are interested in me. We have been to the movies, had lunches, coffees, and talked about all sorts of things. They are the ones who, without knowing it, have helped me banish the Toddler.

We all have times when we feel flat and blue. I am lucky that that is all it is and more especially lucky that I have people around me who show care and interest. Many people have to live with deep depression and anxiety. If you are in that place at the moment, then I hope you are able to find solace, and have people around you who give you support and love.

 

30 thoughts on “Don’t wanna!

  1. Procrastination can be good for productivity… I know it sounds redundant but via procrastinating 2 projects I’m working on I’ve ticked off quite a few odd jobs in the name of diversionary tactics. January has always felt like the end of the year to me, December is too busy to put stuff to bed. January rolls around and I’m happy mixing pottering around with some r&r, pleasing myself and only necessarily dealing with commitments. By February I’m ready to face the world again.

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    1. I understand the diversionary tactics. My house was never so clean and tidy as around report writing time when I was teaching. January is holiday time and is a wonderful time to potter. However so much seemed that little bit too difficult this time around. But I am full of beans now!

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  2. I hadn’t noticed a lack of activity; as you’ve said, you have done some posty things, and there’s no timetable to stick to. A flat patch can be very demoralising; I think it’s too much to suggest you’ve been having a 3-year-old tanty. Instead, you’ve been building inner resources and resilience by spending time with people and activities you love. Useful, healthy and probably necessary ๐Ÿ™‚ But welcome back, anyway!

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  3. Been a bit like that too. So glad you’re feeling more like yourself. We all define ourselves by our ‘accomplishments’, but sometimes we just have smell the humus, right? -hugs-

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    1. Maybe, as Pauline said, it comes about more in January, making us stop and recharge. Your thought that we define ourselves by our accomplishments is an intriguing one. I think it’s true for me, but looking at it from a different perspective.

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      1. I deliberately didn’t use the word ‘success’ as it has far too many negative connotations. For me, an accomplishment is something internal; I set myself a task and complete it…to /my/ satisfaction.

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  4. Oh, I know that toddler all too well . . . I think it’s lucky for us that tantrums burn themselves out and can’t be sustained for long! And it’s fortunate that we also have grownups inhabiting our inner spaces. Enjoy your quiet time–you’ll get all revved up agin soon, I’m sure!

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    1. Thank you Kerry. Oh those three year olds! If I am to carry the metaphor further (and I think I have gone far enough with it!) I would say the three year old is back as an enthusiastic little thing, interested in everything going on in the world. In other words, I am revved up and ready to get going with my life!

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    1. Your collages are great, and I am pleased they are inspiring you. I am feeling much more energetic now, and am getting things done, although the tennis is still a distraction!

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  5. I’m glad you’re surrounded by friends who love you, Anne. I can relate to your feelings entirely. I’m so glad you’re feeling more refreshed. The blues are sometimes just that; other times they’re debilitating depression. I hope you can ride this upbeat wave. With love, Alys

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    1. Oh yes, I am lucky that it was nothing more. Debilitating depression must be such a hard thing to endure. It feels good to be back to my usual positive and busy self, even if I am spending time on the couch watching the tennis. (There are some amazing new America youngsters coming through. Have you been following it?)

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  6. I think Don’t Wanna is okay for us grownups at times! Oh my goodness your pumpkin piece is amazing – I love what you do with paint and stitching. I am slowly catching up on blogs that I enjoy like yours ๐Ÿ™‚

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    1. I just read your blog about the new chapter in your life, Tierney. I am just one of so many sending you positive vibes. Thank you for your words about the pumpkin. I love doing them; maybe they are my favourite subject to do this with. They have such generous, sensual curves to create with the sewing. I am playing around with creating shadows. That’s a challenge!

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  7. Iโ€™m so glad itโ€™s not just me that has felt this way so far! Iโ€™m wondering if I can just blame summer for it all? I have half finished a number of things and am hoping I get back into the swing of everything soon! I really need to get over my tantrums!

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    1. Yes, let’s blame Summer ~ and the tennis too! However, I think you have very good reasons for not achieving all you want to….working and moving to a new country….reasons that would stop anyone in their tracks!

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  8. Ha! I’m so glad to hear you have a toddler who throws her toys out of the cot too. I think the stars were misaligned in recent weeks and I too felt a bit flat and lost – but like you, waited for it to pass and remembered all the ways life treats me very well. Toddler is back in bed, sleeping soundly and sucking her thumb ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for sharing and reminding me we are never going through the doldrums alone ๐Ÿ™‚

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    1. Isn’t it interesting how this time of the year, Summer or Winter, encourages our toddler to appear! Maybe we all need to just relax through January and not expect much of ourselves.
      I am back into energetic mode now too!

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