Don’t wanna!

I have had a slow start to the year. Okay, I can explain away Christmas and the new year, summer holidays to recharge my batteries, the Australian Open to watch on TV, but things seemed to be getting worse last week. ‘Slothful’, ‘feeling flat’, ‘tired’; very little was sparking my interest.

Looking back over the last week I realised my behaviour had been like a 3 year old throwing tantrums. The Grown-up in me was offering suggestions that the Toddler threw onto the floor.

“Why don’t you write a blog post?”

“Don’t wanna!”

“Why don’t you work on the feather for Geoff?”

“Tried it and it didn’t work.”

“Why don’t you give it another go?”

“Don’t wanna!”

“Why don’t you write the first newsletter for the year? People love reading it.”

“Don’t wanna!”

“Why don’t you……?”

“Don’t wanna!”

So, like any sensible adult, the Grown-up walked away and left me to it, whatever ‘it’ was. (That was the Fella’s reaction too, although I think my outward behaviour was more like a sulky, withdrawn teenager. The tantrum throwing 3 year old was more internal.)

Fortunately, unlike a toddler, I have a few more skills to help me deal with the tantrums. I can write and think, I can walk and think, and I can drive and think. All of these helped. I thought about feeling flat as I drove over to my Mum’s yesterday. (I promise I was still driving very safely!) The Grown-up came back on the scene, showing me that I have actually achieved things over the last month.

I have created one and a half pumpkins paintings. The one is finished and in the Etsy shop. The half is almost finished (you may have given me suggestions on the Instagram post), only needing to be sewn down.

I have written a post on the website blog about the 5 things I did that helped me have a successful Open Studio in December. I have written a couple of post here.

I made a tunic for my Mum.

I am back on track to get the hallway finished. Yes, I am determined that it will be finished very soon.

So not bad for a sloth!

But most importantly I have been with friends and family who love me and are interested in me. We have been to the movies, had lunches, coffees, and talked about all sorts of things. They are the ones who, without knowing it, have helped me banish the Toddler.

We all have times when we feel flat and blue. I am lucky that that is all it is and more especially lucky that I have people around me who show care and interest. Many people have to live with deep depression and anxiety. If you are in that place at the moment, then I hope you are able to find solace, and have people around you who give you support and love.